In order to help me stay motivated as I lose 50 pounds, I am starting a IF community weight loss movement. The goal of this will be to help support other bloggers, stay accountable to each other, and get HEALTHY! I see many blog posts, weight tickers, and other mentions of trying to loose weight and the IF community as inspired me to do the same. I want to get involved and help bring us together.
Weight and Infertility is not an uncommon thing, but unlike our infertility, this is something we can take control of. How can you get involved?
Create a “commitment” post, announcing your plans to take some weight off/get healthy. This can be a long winded post, or simply a “I want to lose 10 pounds”
Add yourself to the list of other bloggers who have made a social commitment to each other (see below)
On the 15th of every month, post an update on your progress and add your weight loss to the Weight Loss Tracker. On the 15th of each month, I’ll update the community on how many pounds the group has lost.
Raise awareness and post the banner to our movement on your blog and link to this post. Put this image on your blog (if you wish)
During my brief stint at college (hey, school just wasn’t for me), not only did I gain the freshman 10, but the freshmen 20 and 30 as well. My weight was never a problem until college. You’d eat when you were hungry, when you weren’t hungry, and eat at 4:00 AM for a “midnight” snack prior to going to bed. Pizza, cheap beer, and dorm food every day really packed on the pounds. Prior to college, I was a normal weight, even skinny. When Shelby and I were dating in high school, I even wore her wrangler jeans to a party. Then college hit, and I’ve been pretty overweight ever since. The pounds would add up slowly over time and eventually I found myself 70(!) pounds over. Suffice to say, I felt like crap, all the time. Don’t let the smile fool you, it was induced by a cheeseburger.
In 2007, Shelby’s weight loss was a huge inspiration for me, and I decided to do my part. Constant exercise and healthy eating was the prescription and I stuck to it like a 16 year old boy clutches to his first found playboy magazine (not that I would know, no sir!). I’d watch every thing I put into my mouth, use an elliptical, or treadmill every day. Believe it or not, I actually RAN 2 miles straight (that was HUGE for me). Sunday’s would be our “cheat” day, where we’d have a slice or two of pizza, or dinner out. One thing I remember; Food tasting AMAZING. When you’re having chicken breast, ground turkey, or 6 oz. of lean beef, anything with flavor was a taste-bud inducing organism of epic proportions. For 6 straight months, this diet worked. My transformation was amazing. I felt great, have a self-confidence that I have had in 15 years, and actually enjoyed clothes and shopping. Shelby and I looked fantastic. I was so proud of us.
Now, 2 years after this weight loss transformation, I find myself overweight, again. 2 years of no exercise, a pg loss, countless eating binges from our 2ww’s, and a really shitty job that required constant travel has really taken it’s toll on me. Believe me when I say, husbands get pregnant too. What else is there to do between our weekly ultrasounds? Ice cream, cheese burgers (with bacon!), Doritos’s, candy, booze, all adds the pounds on. I’ve tried to rally myself and get the motivation to loose weight again, but find myself lacking. In 2007, taking that weight off was simultaneously the hardest and easiest thing I’ve ever done. Today, all I can focus on is the hard part. I miss the way I felt. I miss the way food tasted. I miss walking into a room of new people and not feeling like “the fat computer guy.” It’s embarrassing.
Today, I’m taking the first step into getting back on track. Here’s the plan;
Portion Control. Start reducing the amount of calories I’m consuming. Wean myself off of food that is horrible for me by eating less of it. Once I’m used to that, eat chicken, turkey and other lean food WITH vegetables.
Wii-Fit. 3 days a week. I purchased it, convincing myself I’d use it. Time to do it. Eventually, start running again.
Weigh myself weekly. Time to face the music and see the damage done.
Monthly blog post on progress on the 15th of every month.
I don’t want to be a overweight, lazy fat dad and it’s time to make a change. Who’s with me?
This oak tree is special to me, as I eluded to in a Show and Tell post last month. Special enough, to want to share with you as I take time to remember my childhood and the tree that was my safe place.
Growing up as a triplet, was very hard at times. My brother, Scotty, was born with severe brain damage. Doctors were never able to pin a diagnosis on him, but autism, downs, and the lack of many metal faculties that placed a 2 year old in a mans body is a good introduction. Eventually, my parents simply couldn’t provide him the 24/hour care he needed and they made the heart breaking decision to move him out of our family home, and into a place that could provide him the care he needed.
For many years, Scotty lived 20 minutes away, in a group home and was cared for 24 hours a day. We saw him 3 times a week. My parents would pick him up, bring him home and spend the day with him. Eventually, his need for this type of care, outgrew what this facility could offer, and changes had to take place. Puberty was a difficult time for all of us, especially Scotty. He had no understanding of the changes that were taking place, and even less of an ability to cope with them. He acted out and badly. He became self-destructive and the facility simply didn’t have the means to care for him. My parents had no choice but to find him alternative care. It was a no win situation, and the only care available was 6 hours away and a sterile, institutional setting.
For years, we’d drive down to the LA area, at least once a month. Many trips were so heart breaking and Scotty’s behavior problems were so severe, that there were times we’d see him for 30 minutes or an hour if we were lucky, only to turn around and drive right back home. It was simply to hard to stay the night and repeat the visit the next day. I’ll never forget my parents tears as we’d leave the facility. My mom would play “Smile” by Natalie Cole as my Dad would drive us home, fighting tears in his eyes, trying to be strong for the family. I hear this song occasionally, and it still makes me shiver.
(Now, Scotty is in a much better place, both physically and mentally. He is 45 minutes away, lives walking distance from the beach, and has 24/hour care and is doing fantastic.)
My other brother, Will, is the complete opposite of me and as children we were like oil and water. We never got along and fought all the time. We didn’t share friends, and although we shared the same school, and my parents always made sure we had separate teachers. Will was a popular kid in school, and I was teased mercilessly, often instigated by him. This drove a huge divide between us, that has only recently been repaired. During our elementary school years, I spent many days walking home, alone, crying the hole way. I was a very sensitive, usually overly so and my feelings were easily hurt. I never really learned how to deal with it, so I’d cry.
So, as you can imagine, Scotty combined with relentless teasing at school made for a difficult childhood. (Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all tears, there were many wonderful times, vacations, and happy memories. I remember my childhood fondly, and have wonderful parents, it’s just that hurt feelings are easy to remember.) Scotty had the uncanny ability to pick up on people’s moods, and react to them. No matter what you were feeling, no matter what was happening, when Scotty was visiting, everything was put on hold. Emotions, anger, sadness; I learned how to bury them. To hide them and put on a happy face for Scotty. So did my parents. There was no choice.
There were times, where it was just too hard. Arriving home from school after being teased, or being around Scotty when he was self-abusive was too much at times and I found one place that provided me solace. The oak tree in the picture above. After a short climb up the hill, I was always welcomed by cool shade and a place to gather myself. I’d spend hours under it’s protection. I’d cry, read a book, draw (horribly), or even take a nap. It was my place to escape and to just be myself. In a lot of ways, this majestic oak tree was my best friend. The only fight we ever got in was when the horde of bees that were nesting in it’s branches became unhappy about my presence. Man, I ran at break neck speeds down the hill. I hate bees.
As years went by, the Oak tree and I saw less of each other and the pain of childhood faded. On every visit to my parents, I’d always spend a few seconds gazing at the tree that taught me so much and silently thanked it. I don’t think I even shared how important this tree was to me, with Shelby.
I wondered how old this tree is, and how much change it has lived though. If it could speak, I wonder what it would have said. Were there others that sought it’s protection? Now that we are pregnant, I’d fantasize about bringing my child up to this tree and introducing them to my safe place. I’d share with them what I learned; No matter how hard things get, people love you and everything is going to be OK; That you have the right to be alone, to scream or cry and no one will judge you; That There are still safe places in this world, and the shade of this tree is one of them.
I wanted to pass down everything I learned from this Oak.
On Monday, I received an email that hit me like a ton of bricks. The weight of the oak was simply too much for it’s trunk, and has fallen over, splintered into a million pieces. My heart sank reading this, and I willed myself not to get teary-eyed. I know it’s just a tree, but I feel like part of my childhood has died. I feel like I lost a life-long friend. I feel so silly for being so upset over a tree, but my heart is so heavy over remembrance. Even as I write this, I have to swallow the lump in my throat. Seeing a picture of my friend, laying in pieces chilled me to the bone.
I feel cheated; robbed of the chance to share this experience with my child. I’m sad that this tree is gone. I feel silly to admit this, but I’m ANGRY that it is gone.
Tuesday, we met with our OBGYN for the first time, and I feared that the loss of my “childhood friend” was a bad omen. However, we received the exiting news that we’re having a BOY!!! My heart is sad that I cannot share this mighty oak with our SON, but there is one lesson I can teach him from the love and loss of this tree;
Son, my child, one day I’ll be gone, but for every second I breathe on earth, I’ll protect you, give you a safe place to cry, laugh, or simply, just be.
I was reading over a few entries on my blog, and I think I might be giving readers the wrong idea. Yes, I’m a big gushy baby, however I’m just a typical dude. Lest anyone accuse me of lacking in my manliness, I submit this conversation to you.
I arrive home around 6:00 PM last night and walk in the door. Shelby and I are in the kitchen heating up some left over Chinese food.
Shelby: I loved your blog post, it made me cry. Me: Did you like it enough that I can get in your pants tonight? Shelby: No, but you can get me a popsicle from the kitchen. Me: Dammit, that’s the only reason I wrote it. Shelby: Don’t forget the blog-o-sphere swooning over you. Me: Yeah, my infertile sperm is all the rage. Ladies can sense my impotency.
We laugh and fight over who goes to microwave their leftovers first.
I feel like my blog is official now! This is my first entry into Mel’s Show and Tell and I’m excited to share this with you.
For my first show and tell, I think I’m just going to make it a generic post about my favorite things. There’s so much to share that I don’t want to focus on one area just yet! These items are very special to me. No matter what is going on with regards to infertility, life, or just being a worry wort, I can close my eyes, reflect on what I was doing at the time these pictures were taken and for just a few moments be transported back to that event.
1.) Napa, California
As I eluded to in a previous post, going to Napa, CA is one of my very favorite things to do. There’s something about the smell of grapes in the air, rolling fields of the vines, and, well the wine, that makes everything seem “okay.” A trip up to Napa is something that Shelby and I do often. We’ve been known to go once a week for a month at a time, that is until our pocket book becomes empty. This is a picture Shelby snapped of some grapes that I think is a beautiful representation of Napa. The second is some old stairs at one of our favorite wineries.
2.) Hawaiian & Cows
A few summers ago, Shelby and I took a 14 day cruise to Hawaii. She has never been, and the last time I was there was many years ago (I think I was 10). The only thing I remembered about it was learning how to do the Hula amidst a “couple’s only invitation.” All I knew was that a bunch of people were going up on stage, and dammit, I wanted to be one of them. Anyway, this trip was amazing. We snorkeled, roamed the shops of Honolulu, was introduced to afagato gellato (the best thing ever, a scoop of gellato with a short of espresso poured on it), scooter-ing around Kauai, and stumbled apon a local watering hole/waterfall that was featured in playboy in the 80′s. Alas, there were no naked, hairy arm pit laides when we went there, but it was perfect none-the-less. We found a few cows on the side of the road when and had to pull over and take a picture. This guy is my favorite Hawaiian cow, followed by a picture of the hidden water hole.
3.) Oak Trees
I love oak trees. There is something old, wise, and majestic about them. This is a mighty tree on the hill just past my parents backyard. As a kid, I’d run up the hill and spend hours sitting by this tree. It was my place, special to only me. To me, this tree represents a safe place, my childhood, and tells my story.
4.) Shelby
I’ve saved the best for last. I do not have the words to describe what this woman means to me, except that she is my world and I love her more than any words I could think to say. They simply cannot do justice to a woman that has made me whole.
After 5 years, we still walk the path of infertility. 7 IUI's, 1 miscarriage, 1 IVF and tens of thousands of dollars later we find ourselves pregnant. The path is still not clear, but we take it one step at a time.
I am still unsure of how to categorize this site, but I can say that I do talk about infertility and pregnancy after loss. If these topics are upsetting to you, maybe we should give it time before we get to know each other.
If you'd like to contact me, send an email to mrshelby[at]waitingforourpod[dot]com
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After 5 years, we still walk the path of infertility. 7 IUI's, 1 miscarriage, 1 IVF and tens of thousands of dollars later we find ourselves pregnant. The path is still not clear, but we take it one step at a time.
