*This is about my wife’s, Shelby, pregnancy after infertility*

Wow, it’s ICLW already? Where is the time going? Thank you for visiting my little corner of the web.

I can’t believe our Level II ultrasound is here already. The first few months of this pregnancy went super slow, but now it seems as if time is speeding up. Shelby is already rounding the half way point. As I mentioned in my post, The Secret Pregnancy Handshake, I still feel awkward at times when people talk about our pregnancy. It’s out in the public, Shelby is showing more and more every day, so it’s hard to deny. However, there is a part of me that still feels like our struggle with infertility is now invalid. Maybe invalid is too strong of a term, but part of me still needs to pay recognition to our struggle. I feel very out of place when other pregnant woman are blissfully talking about what crib or stroller they are going to buy. Sure, I can compare notes, but all our concentration is about having a healthy baby boy. The crap we buy is so insignificant compared to that.

However, somewhat reluctantly, it’s time to really admit to ourselves that this baby is going to happen. It’s time to shop. I know it sounds a little hypocritical given my last paragraph, but I’m really looking forward to picking the baby gear out. Slowly, I’m feeling like less of a fraud and more like a real dad to be. It’s a hard line for me right now and I don’t know how to really act as a expecting infertile. I don’t feel like I’m in either sides “club.” I just don’t have that same click that fertiles do. Our path is different, even though we have a pregnancy in common. It’s an adjustment, and there aren’t really any books about this one.

On to the good stuff however. Our scan was amazing. We haven’t seen our little guy in a month, and this transformation was huge. It really looks like a baby now, perfectly formed. He is weighing 12 ounces now. We saw fingers, toes, hear chambers, feet, bones, and baby boy bits. Our little guy seems stubborn and moves right at the wrong time. He gets that from his mom Speaking of which, Shelby seems to be doing great. She has energy back, and is getting a beautiful, perfect pregnant profile. She looks amazing.

I do have one question though. While our scan went great, and nothing was a concern, our doctor mentioned that her placenta was a little too close to the cervix. Not close enough to be considered “abnormal,” but close enough to warrant a follow up appointment at 27 weeks. Dr. Google, who I have a love and hate relationship with, tells me that it increased the chance of a c-section (which we already are facing, Shelby has a narrow pelvis) and you need to keep an eye on any bleeding (duh!). I also read that in more server cases that pelvic rest is required (which we were not put on). The doctor did not seem concerned at all, as the  placenta tends to gravitate up as you get father along, but I’m curious if anyone has had any experience with this and can offer any input.

Finally, we got a few awesome shots. I’d like to share my favorite one with you (the cute shot of a button nose was my 2nd favorite.

I like to call this shot, “Two Tickets to the Gun Show”

I think it’s due time for keyword salad. Well that, and I really have nothing else to say.

Our full anatomy scan is on Monday. We will be 19 weeks, and 2 days. I’m very excited and anxious for this appointment, as it’s our last checkpoint before we decide to start buying things. So far, we’ve only purchased 2 small trinkets, that were a pure impulse buy. Nothing that can’t be boxed up and ignored forever should the unfortunate happen, but after this SUCCESSFUL (look how good I am at the positive thinking here!) scan, the gloves come off.

To be honest, I must say, that I’m actually nervous to start shopping. It’s going to make it feel even more real, and that scares me. Shelby and I are in this awkward holding pattern. We’re anxious about our full anatomy scan, but at the same time Shelby *thinks* she may have felt movement (a wiggle, worm, or flutter) but it’s been very faint. She’s suspicious, and wants to chalk it up to gas, mostly because it’s simply too good to be true. Then she won’t feel anything for a day which ups the anxiety level. Sure, every website tells you that early movement is subtle, and infrequent, but still… Damn, can’t it be November already?!

Anyway, enough rambling, onto Google provided humor;

can you tell you’re pregnancy day of IUI

You’re wondering if you’re “pregnancy” the day OF your IUI? Well, Mrs (Mr.) impatient, I do believe in PUPO, but man, I hope your first IUI works, becuase it’s a LOT of waiting. Now, if you’re wanting to know if you’re pregnant the day OF your IUI, Google’s good, but “tell the future good,” I think not?

+1 to using the little known apostrophe in you’re
-1 to for “you’re pregnancy”

naked shelby, i love shelby, shelby butt

Ohh, I think Shelby has a stalker! Now, “naked shelbys,” you’ll have to send me proof. Shelby’s like a cat when the camera comes out. I’ve never seen anyone move so fast to avoid a snapshot.Shelby butt? Good luck seeing that because it’s usually firmly planted in front of The Sims 3, in bed, or watching Deadliest Catch with me.

fear of lab coats

Can I get an AMEN? I hate handing a “sample” to them. There they are, looking all smug in their perfectly white lab coat, staring at the dude who just pleasured himself. I see you and your mocking eyes! I swear, my brow is always this sweaty. I wonder if they make fun of the samples? “Ohh, this one seems a little lighter than the last one…”

intrauterine insemination a woman’s perspective

Hmm, I think I can sum this up in a few words;

Oh god please work, please work, ow, ow, ouch!, please work, I hope they didn’t mix up the baby batter, please work, OW watch it doc, please work, please please please.

Booooooooob dirtyoldgrandma

Yes, Johnny, if you’re grandma has a Booooooooob then she is, in fact, dirty. One big, uniboob full of old saggy dirty skin. eww.

I can imagine the person searching for booooooooob. I bet it was a 14 year old boy, with a computer and internet connection alone for the first time. He was SO excited to search for boob that he just got carried away with the “o” key.

Ok, I admit it. I LOVE getting tagged for things. Call it part attention whoring, but mainly, it gives me a good blog topic to cover as I’m running out of posts!

^WiseGuy^ was kind enough to tag me with the Honest Scrap. Love it! Looks like I need to list 10 “honest” things about myself. These are so much fun, because I find myself remembering, or thinking about something that I haven’t thought about in years!

1. I hate, despise, and avoid confrontations at all cost, even to my own determent. I’ll go out of my way to get out of them, even it it means that I’m stuck in a bad spot. The act of confrontation is just too much effort for me. Well that, and I’m a push over.
2. As a child, I was entirely too sensitive for my own good. Most days at elementary school resulted in massive teasing that would reduce me to tears. Ok, maybe I had a small dandruff problem, and being called Snow Man is a little funny, but not at the time. My brother was the biggest instigator in all of this and it caused a tear in our relationship that took many years to repair.
3. It’s very easy for me to keep giving people the benefit of the doubt. I see things though rose colored glasses, even if I’ve been proven otherwise. I like to see the best in people, even if they’ve let me down. I’m very quick to forgive and forget. In a related note, if Shelby and I get in a massive fight, I’m completely over it and have moved on by the morning, and am almost surprised when I get the cold shoulder come “cuddle time” in the morning.
4. I fricking LOVE to spend money. Shelby does too, though I’m much worse. It doesn’t really matter what I’m buying, but I especially love to spoil Shelby. “oh, that dress is so expensive, but it looks good! Oh and get those diamond earings too.” Luckily for our pocket book, Shelby has better common sense (most of the time). I’m midly terrified when we start shopping for baby stuff, because our common sense will be thrown out the door. I feel like this baby will be a once in our lifetime experience and we’re going to blow our load on the kid. (uhh, too late).
5. We have a home in Idaho, where we own more than it’s worth. We can’t refinance since it’s a rental, don’t have enough equity to refinance, and I feel completely helpless. I’ve always been the type of person to create my own opportunities, to help myself, but this is one instance where I just want to bury my head in the sand and hope it goes away. I’m secretly jealous of those that just give up and walk away from their obligation and sometimes with I could do the same.
6. I’m a hardcore procrastinator. I do my best work on a deadline. There are times where I do things too quickly, and people mistake it for lack of effort. Working in the technology field, this can pose a problem to those that do not understand technology. Just because something only takes me a day, doesn’t mean that research, years of experience, and expertise didn’t go into the process.
7. I hate elitism and egos. People who are entirely ego and think their shit doesn’t stink, makes me nauseous. I have no respect for people like that. Though, in the same breath, I can be a wine or food snob at times, but at least I know my shit stinks!
8. I care, too much, about what people think of me. It’s very easy for me to remember every criticism, but forget any kind words.
9. Sometimes, I’m worried that I’ll be jealous of our little one stealing all the attention. I’m more than happy to be “second” but I love attention, so I worry, a little, about not getting it.
10. I hate tagging other bloggers for things like this. I was always the last kid picked for kickball, and I don’t want to leave people out. So I’ll procrastinate and not tag anyone

Wow, Shelby and I have been married for 9 years today! To celebrate, I figured I’d do my own version of the “Crazy 8′s” blog post, but call it the “Crazy 9′s.” Shelby surprised me this morning with a card, with Twix Bars tapped to it in the shape of a 9. So cute!

Nine of my favorite things to do with Shelby

1. Go on cruises!
2. Cuddle with her while we watch TV in bed
3. Cuddle with her in bed
4. Go to San Francisco, the beach, or Napa
5. Hold her hand while we walk to restaurants that are walking distance from our house
6. Go on spontaneous candy runs  (!!!)
7. Plow though a Oreo Cookie and Vanilla Ice Cream Cake (oops!)
8. Take lazy naps on a sunny Sunday
9. Just being with her!

Nine Ten things we’ve done over the years (without mentioning TTC, IF, or anything else!)

1. 2000 – Moved to Mountain View, Got MARRIED! Went on a Honeymoon to the Caribbean
2. 2001 – Went to Las Vegas, ate dinner at the Stratosphere. Shelby was hung over from a “Warp Core Breach” but STILL ordered Filet Mignon!
3. 2002 – Moved back to San Jose, Took a road trip in my Convertible to Carmel!
4. 2003 – Moved to San Fransisco, took my parents to the gay pride parade
5. 2004 – Moved to Idaho, Got our little kitty, Willow!
6. 2005 -Purchased our first home in Idaho (aka. Biggest Mistake Evah), went on a last minute cruise to Alaska
7. 2006 – Moved back to Bay Area. Went to New York, Washington DC, and a family reunion
8. 2007 – Held a fantastic New Years Eve party, convinced Shelby to try a Irish Car Bomb, lost a metric butt-load (ha!) of weight, cruised to Hawaii for 14 days!
9. 2008 – Moved to Benicia. We both turned 30! Got Tattoo’s (to memorialize heart breaking loss, hope for the future). Spent WAY too much money in Las Vegas. Attempted the “40 dollar sandwich” while checking it (great success!)
10. 2009 – Visited Seattle (love Pikes Market!), Successful IVF, waiting on baby! Took a nap after reading over this list, man that’s a lot of moves.

Nine things I look forward to

1. The birth of our Son (and believe it’s actually going to happen!!!!)
2. Renewing our vows for our 10 year anniversary. Hopefully in Hawaii, on a beach, with our son dressed up, surrounded by our family
3. A trip to Portland this summer to visit my Cousin
4. Shelby and I participating in my Brother’s wedding.
5. Shelby’s HUGE belly! (are you sensing a theme)
6. The laughter shared with Shelby
7. The quiet moments shared with Shelby
8. Love that grows, day by day. Being with the woman of my dreams
9. To each and every year with Shelby, because it’s always better than the last. I don’t understand how I got so lucky, but I’ll take it!

Happy 9 year Anniversay, Sweet Pea!

To Mrs. S,

Happy Birthday, Sweet Pea. I love you because…

• … For being my permanent designated driver lately, AND tolerating it (or at least pretending to do so)
• … You greet me with a meow in the morning, instead of a “hi”
• … The cute smile you get on your face after the first sip of a Lemon Drop when you exclaim “That’s a good one!”
• … You insist that “The Shocker” is a perfectly acceptable sign to give in pictures, usually related to the point above.
• … Your love of “Sky Cows” (a cow, at the top of a hill that is perfectly outlined by the blue sky)
• … You laugh at most of my stupid jokes, even the ones that cross the line
• … Your Darth Vader snores in the middle of the night
• … Your inability to live without the internet, or your laptop for 30 minutes
• … You can’t go into a pet adoption without finding SOMEONE you want to take home
• … We’ve known each other for 13 years, and each day is better than the last
• … For how hard you’ve been working at growing our little bean
• … For waking up from a deep slumber, only to tell me how tired you are, and then going back to sleep
• … For making me a better person
• … For being my soul mate, my best friend
• … For being the woman of my dreams

Happy Birthday!