**Edit: I’m new at this, so I’m still figuring out how best to balance my site between our life events and our battle with infertility. If you would like to exclude pregnancy related topics from this site, you can use this link when visiting my site. Your feedback is appreciated as I learn the “right” way to run this blog. After all, I’m a typical insensitive male, and sometimes we need the obvious pointed out to us. :)

8w3d-us-marked1Even after 2 ultrasounds on Friday, Shelby and I pulled into our doctors office for our graduation ultrasound feeling nervous. Please understand, we’re ultrasound junkies. They are our crack. Seriously, I think I could figure out how to administer one. Funny how no one from GE will return my calls regarding a quote for one and if they are willing to put it on layaway. Bastards.

After 45 minutes of hearts pulsing, Shelby disrobing, and our doctor probing we were able to see our little gummy bear. This is farthest we’ve ever been, and everything looks picture perfect. We could see our gummy’s arms, legs, and body moving independently almost as if it was doing a little jig. It was amazing, but I’m scared to let myself relax. I fear that if I allow myself to breathe some sigh of relief, I’ll jinx everything. If I just hold my breath a little longer, we’ll be that much closer.

If I allow it, I close my eyes and inhale the serenity that has been these past 8 weeks. There are a few things that will always be with me. They will never be taken from me regardless of the outcome.

  • Hearing the joy in my parents voice when I rush out of the office and give them an update
  • Coming home to Shelby after a long work day and kissing her tummy. There’s a sense of wholeness in our house, and I can’t quite put a name on it.
  • Above all, the serene, beautiful, joyous look on Shelby’s face when we see how much our baby has grown. Her crystal blue eyes pierce the dark room and light up my soul.

Nothing will rob me of those memories, they have become my oxygen.

I can worry about breathing later, in the meantime, stay strong gummy bear. We’ll be waiting for you.